From Arranged to Amazing: Unlocking the Transformative Power of Intimacy in Arranged Marriages.

In India, arranged marriages have been an integral part of our country’s culture for generations. According to a BBC report that surveyed 1.6 Lakh households, 93% of married couples said that theirs was an arranged marriage. In a place where tradition is intertwined with personal relationships, the overwhelming presence of arranged marriages shows how this norm shapes lifelong partnerships across all ages. While there are opposing views on the concept itself, I think we can agree that, for many, the idea of intimacy, especially physical, is difficult to openly discuss in our society. 

Bridging this gap between hesitation and openness can unlock unparalleled emotional and physical closeness between spouses. Whether you're looking for ways to strengthen your emotional bond or spice up your physical lives, building intimacy can elevate a hesitant connection into a thriving, harmonious relationship. Let’s explore how intimacy can move your marriage from awkward beginnings to amazing depths of connection.

The Power of Touch in Relationships

According to Britannica - intimacy, the state of being intimate, which is marked by the consensual sharing of deeply personal information. It has cognitive, affective, and behavioral components. Intimates reveal themselves to one another, care deeply about one another, and are comfortable in close proximity. While this is one definition of the term, there are various elements of intimacy that exist within a marriage. In this post, we will explore the connection between two of them - emotional and physical intimacy.

Love and emotion

Love is a universal desire. Everyone longs to experience that profound feeling of connection, security, and affection with a spouse. At its core, love is not just about grand gestures or the daily I love yous. It is about forging an emotional connection with someone who understands and accepts you unconditionally. Building this emotional connection between spouses is what  we believe is at the center of a more common saying you may have heard before - "falling in love." 

In India however, this journey of “falling in love” has its own set of unique challenges. Unlike a romantic marriage - more commonly known as “Love marriage” - that usually begins with partners getting to know each other over a period of time, arranged marriages typically begin with two individuals who are unfamiliar with each other. The getting to know each other begins after two individuals are married. For many couples, this prospect of forming an emotional connection post-marriage can be both exciting and overwhelming. 

Opening yourself up to someone you barely know can be a daunting task. Vulnerability is at the heart of emotional intimacy and sharing your innermost fears, insecurities and emotions is hard to do, even with someone you’ve known for years! However, the beauty of arranged marriages lies in the fact that you build an emotional connection with your partner from the ground up. One way to begin your journey of forming deeper bonds with your partner is through - you guessed it - physical affection!

Emotion and Touch

Physical affection is more than just a physical act. It is a powerful means for partners to express love, trust and vulnerability, all of which are crucial in forming a meaningful bond. A paper published in the Social Science Research Network (SSRN) discusses how physical touch (in its many forms from holding hands to sexual activity) is one of the strongest non-verbal ways to express affection. Scientists have found that, upon physical touch, the brain releases Oxytocin, more famously known as the “Love hormone”. Your brain is literally beginning to  “fall in love”! Other benefits of a close physical connection include:

1. Enhancing trust and security: Physical intimacy creates a safe space for partners to connect without words. These acts signal affection and reassurance, fostering a sense of security. When one partner feels physically cared for, it reinforces the belief that they can trust their partner emotionally as well.
2. Boosting emotional closeness through hormones: Like we talked about earlier, the body releases oxytocin (the “love hormone”) between physically intimate partners that deepens feelings of attachment and reduces stress. The resulting sense of comfort helps couples feel more connected on an emotional level.
3. Bridging emotional gaps: In times of emotional distance or misunderstanding, a heartfelt hug or an affectionate touch can communicate what words often fail to, rekindling emotional closeness during difficult times.

Now that we’ve discussed the positive impact that physical intimacy can have on a couple’s marital satisfaction, why is it that in India intimacy is taboo? Countless studies have shown that spouses with fulfilling sexual relationships report higher levels of marital satisfaction. Yet, in Indian society, the topic leads to awkward glances around the room and a quick topic change. How can an Indian spouse, often in an arranged marriage, build a deep emotional connection with their husband/wife—essentially “fall in love”—when our society avoids open conversations about one of the most crucial aspects of emotional intimacy - sex. Next, let’s talk about it and how you can implement some of our tips below into your daily life!

How to “Fall in Love” - A short guide:

Overcoming Awkwardness: Breaking the Ice

Starting a relationship in an arranged marriage can feel like navigating uncharted waters. Many couples face awkwardness, especially during the initial days. Breaking the ice is about creating moments where both partners can relax, enjoy, and connect authentically. Here are some tips below to help you along the way:

• Playful Interactions: Couples dating activities or card games to ease tension and spark fun conversations are a great way to get to know the fun side of your partner.
• Laugh Together: Humor is a powerful tool! Share funny anecdotes from your younger days or watch a comedy movie to lighten the mood.
  
• Take Small Steps: Start by holding hands, casual touches, and affectionate gestures like hugs also help build physical comfort gradually.

Exploring Physical Intimacy in a Respectful Way

Developing a meaningful physical relationship, often requires patience and mutual understanding. Tools like vibrators or female massagers can play a role in enhancing the experience when approached with openness. Here are some tips below to help you get going:

• Start Slow: Begin with gestures like hugs and kisses to build comfort. Physical intimacy is not about rushing; it’s about creating a shared language of love and desire that feels natural to both partners.
• Communicate Desires: Talk about your likes and dislikes, fostering an environment of consent and openness. Getting to know your partner’s preferences creates an experience where BOTH spouses are able to feel fulfilled.
• Consider Modern Tools: Incorporating aids like an intimate massager can enhance pleasure, especially for couples exploring for the first time. These tools help reduce tension and create enjoyable shared experiences.

Deeping your physical bond over the long run

As relationships grow and couples become more physically comfortable with each other, it’s natural for the initial excitement to mellow. While familiarity can lead to deeper emotional bonds, it can also cause a sense of routine. However, keeping the spark alive doesn’t have to be hard—it’s all about finding new ways to connect and keeping things fresh.

• Be Playful and Experiment: Keep the spark alive by exploring new ways to connect with each other. Bringing experiences like a sensual massage, role-play or intimate products into the mix can switch up the routine give you a sense of excitement
• Build Anticipation: Create some anticipation by planning romantic surprises, celebrating landmark events in your marriage, creating rituals that involve both, a physical and an emotional meaning. 
• Focus on Non-Sexual Physical Intimacy: Another great way to reignite a spark has nothing to do with sexual intimacy at all. Simple acts of affection like hugs, playful/flirty texts, cuddling, etc are also great ways to ignite passion and strengthen an emotional bond.

The final thought to leave you with is this - Arranged marriages are not just about two families coming together; they are more about two individuals presented with the task of successfully “falling in love” with one another. Physical intimacy plays a transformative role in developing this emotional connection. By overcoming initial awkwardness, exploring physical intimacy and further deepening the same over the long run, couples can take their relationship from tentative beginnings to amazing depths of love and closeness. Embrace this journey with patience and openness and the transformation may surprise you!